i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you inspire me to be a worse person
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
