He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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