Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't deserve a penis
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
