Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize