when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize