Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
