Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
