K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
