margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
They took my balls.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
