We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
