Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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