Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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