I heard we made out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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