fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
