The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's blow job season.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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