I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
