I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
