How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
