I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
