They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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