Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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