I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
