ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
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The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
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You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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