Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
