i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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