oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
