i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
