I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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