She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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