I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
