I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
