Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
