i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
