i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
