He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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