don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
