your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
