Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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