ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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