I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
