i would punch a child for taco bell
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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