Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
