I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
