I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
