I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
