no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
