I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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