My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
