Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
