i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
