two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
