at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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