yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
