My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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