I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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