all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
