Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
