I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
