If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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