Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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