I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
