im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
