I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
