I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
