Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
