God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
