Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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