whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
