I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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