He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
