Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
