The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
