My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
