last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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