Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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